(Un)Apologetic Self

I didn’t begin apologizing until I started living in hell

the un-forgiveness, grudges held

didn’t do my soul too swell

I was tired of feeling sorry but not truly forgiving,

I was tired of dying, when I should have been living.

I knew I had to let it go

it was the only way for me to grow.

but I straddled the fence

and chased my tail

tug of war, what the hell?

as soon as I would start to sprout

no rain would come in the form of congrats;

no “you’re getting better” pats on the back;


I couldn’t see the better in me

needed too much validation

but that’s when I knew I needed self revelation.

I was tired of the struggle

the war between the evil me vs the good,

the suburbs versus the hood.

Who I was, hated who I was changing into

devil on one side, angel other, what to do?

I’m sorry old me, but I have to end it here

I know you want me to stay,

because change is what I fear

but with courage I take a new road

my apologies our relationship is getting old.

1 day any longer in the state that I’m in

Will only cause me to dive deeper in sin

I hope you are not too mad with me

then again I really don’t care

if accept my apology.

Though I’m moving on I will never forget

the ways you changed me and all the time we spent

together, the best and worst of friends

So I’m sorry but not sorry

that this fling has to end.

It’s not you, it’s really me that outgrew myself,

I hope you understand that

You actually helped

me to make this decision

you drove me so insane,

in my mind was such division,

I needed to find some peace which came

in the form of letting you go

otherwise I’ll continue to waste my life and never grow.

Come to think of it,

you were really kind of a bully

always trying to force your way

but back then I didn’t see it fully

now my eyes are open and I can see

I’ve followed you for long enough

now is time for me to lead

a life of love and light

there are a few things I want to succeed

in, before I leave this earth,

I don’t know how long that will be

so again, I’m sorry

but I don’t really owe you an apology

I remember the day we first said “Hi,”

but now it’s, ‘deuces’, ‘peace’, ‘so long’,

its time we said ‘good-bye’.

cuz our time is ‘so long’ gone.

-LeToya “Penz4Lipz” Williams (C)2016.

Photo Credit


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